Pleasure of the Pain - TimidsFearless Vampire Killers Fanfiction
by AStudyInPandas
Summary: Drew and Shane have been best friends since they were just kids. Their relationship is, surprisingly, entirely platonic, and the pair seem to be just fine with it; or at least one of them is. When Shane begins to question his feelings for Drew, one confession will lead to their friendship heading in a completely different direction - and could well change things forever.
1. Chapter 1

Here we go again - another goddamn day of lying on the same goddamn black leather sofa, with another goddamn hangover, my eyes bloody stinging and my head pounding as a result of another goddamn migraine, and another load of overdue regrets and second thoughts about a blowout-piss up the night before.

The light streaming in through the front room's windows, creeping past the closed white curtains, is bright, indicating an unusually sunny day in Camden. I groan, the light hurting my eyes. Why is it always on days like this that I get hangovers, on the days that it's too bright to go outside? Dammit!

I glance around the shadowed front room, seeing the three other unconscious figures on the wooden floor. Flopped across the armchair carelessly is a black-haired, round-faced figure: Laurence, the one man who's meant to be the more mature and careful of our group, now passed out after drinking too much. Smart thinking, dude.

Then there's the red-and-blond-fringed, thin-faced, lanky figure sprawled out in a star-shape in the middle of the floor: Kier, with an empty glass bottle of vodka lying not too far from his left hand. Always the more reckless drinker, always the one to insist we buy vodka, when he's the only bloody one that drinks the stuff half the time. It seems that with age comes stupidity, rather than wits - or with Kier, anyway.

And then there's the long-brown-haired, bearded figure in the computer chair in the corner: Luke, with his head lolling back, looking like he's dead and not just sleeping. I would probably believe he's dead, if it weren't for that bloody cacophonous snoring - and the fans wonder why we started calling him a lion? He sounds like one more than he looks like one!

I push into a proper sitting position, groaning as my head pounds. I glance around the room again, feeling like we're missing someone. _One Killer, two Killers, three Killers, four... No, not four... Shit, where's Shane?_ There's Kier, Luke, Laurence...but no Shane..._ Don't tell me we misplaced him again?_

I push to my feet groggily, pulling a hand through my sandy-brown hair as I drag my feet along the cluttered floor and out into the small hall, before making an abrupt left-turn and opening the bedroom door. As I poke my head into the one and only bedroom in our tiny flat, I see a sandy-haired figure lying on the bed, curled up under the quilt, his notebook dropped on the floor along with a pencil as he sleeps soundly. I smile; at least the poor guy isn't missing, eh? And he's got more sense than us, disappearing into the bedroom before he passes out... I pad across the room wordlessly, bending down and picking up his notebook - I don't want to leave it lying and then let Laurence deface it with a graphically detailed drawing of a penis again, just like he did in Seattle a few weeks back...

As I pick up the notebook, the first thing I see is the quick sketch of a man, clear from the short hair and the thicker eyebrows - either that or it's a really ugly girl. Either way...this person is unattractive, sheesh. I note the large, dark-outlined eyes and the sweep of shaded hair, and smile slightly; Shane's always been good at over-exaggerating people in drawings. Maybe that's why everyone in his drawings always looks so fuckin' surreal...

"Oi, Drew, gimme that back..." I hear a sleepy, croaky, monotonous mumble, and look down to see my Timid sitting up in bed, fisting sleepy-dust out of his eyes as he yawns. "That's mine." He holds out a hand for the notebook.

"I was just looking, is all." I sigh.

"And I'm just saying _stop_ looking." He replies pointedly, smiling. I hand him the book back with a slight grin, shrugging.

"Fair enough. Still, that drawing's blardy ugly." I flop down on top of him, grinning, and he groans, flopping onto his back as I sprawl out across his stomach, propping myself up on my elbows to get a better look at his pale, sleep-deprived little face.

"Good thing it's you I was drawing then, huh."

"You _what?!_ Why would you...how could you... What would the fangirls say to that, you-"

"They would agree that you're not the best-looking guy in the world."

"But-"

"It's true." He smirks, shoving me off his stomach. "Now, if you don't mind, it's still early, and I want to sleep. So, if you don't mind..."

"_Fine_." I sigh, flopping onto the bed beside him and wriggling under the covers. "Cuddles?"

"Okay." He smiles, wriggling in closer. I feel his arm go around my waist, his other arm slipping around my shoulders, and I slip my arms around his neck, sneaking in closer for a hug. We're always like this, like two little kids, but there's nothing in it. It's completely platonic - and by god I'm thankful for that, the last thing I need is more drama. Being in an up-and-coming band supplies enough drama for any 24-year-old man to handle, thank you very much! Come to think of it though, I rather like the drama that comes from being in a band, and I like the drama that's caused in our cramped, overcrowded flat every day without fail. I guess I'm a little twisted like that.

"Drew," I hear Shane mumble, quietly and sleepily, "can I ask you a serious question?"

"Uh-huh." I nod slightly.

"Are you ever going to get a girlfriend?"

Weird question, especially coming from Shane. We don't usually tend to talk about stuff like that, even if we are as close as two best friends can possibly get. But, hey-ho, I guess. "I had one. Remember? Things didn't go so well."

"Oh, yeah... Do you think you'll ever get another one?" He asks. I cock an eyebrow, but shrug slightly.

"I'd like to think I will."

"Oh. Okay." It's almost as though he's disappointed with my answer, what with the way his voice goes awfully quiet and almost inaudible. I don't comment - I'm probably reading too much into things, he's just tired is all.

"But who knows? I might just be a lone bachelor for the rest of my bass-playing, woollen days..." I hear him chuckle slightly, but he sounds slightly nervous. I guess I've spent too much time with this guy, I can read his every move like a book. Still, Shane is better than me at reading people's emotions and all, so I've probably got this all wrong. Wouldn't surprise me.

"Well, goodnight." He mumbles, wriggling ever-closer to me and sighing. I close my eyes, mumbling a vague reply. I feel his cool breath on my face as he drifts off to sleep, and can hear his deep intakes of breath. I bow my head and curl up into a ball, resting my head against his chest, and he rolls wordlessly onto his back to allow me to wriggle forward onto his chest; we both decide to just stay like this, not saying another word to each other. I don't even bother to comment on how quick his heart seems to be beating in his chest - he seems to have a pretty quick pulse anyway, so I can't really find anything abnormal about that. His arms tighten around me as I settle down to go to sleep, a slight smile on my face; I'm glad our relationship is entirely platonic, because who knows what would happen, and how awkward it would be, if something were to actually happen. Besides, the very thought of that is unmentionable and absurd, he's my best mate! And I am entirely straight. One hundred percent.

At that, I slip into a dreamless sleep.

**I started this new little fanfiction; I've written one Timids fic before, a hella-explicit one shot that's on here somewhere, but I've never actually written a full-length Timids fic. So, have at it, the start of what I'm hoping will be a squishy and cute Timids fic. And yes, I ship the Timids a little too much, it's hardly healthy (not that I'm very healthy myself, a lard-arse panda with a fetish for anything containing sugar...). Ship ship shippetty ship... (And I know this is short, but it's an intro, and the parts will get longer - if this is good enough to be continued, of course, so any thoughts?)**

**Bevers 0.0**


	2. Chapter 2

I wake up in a sleepy haze, and instinctively flop my arms out on either side of me, feeling around for anyone else that might be on the bed. No one else is, and so I sit up, frowning. Last I remember, I fell asleep on Shane...so where is Shane...?

"Drew, I got you some tea." Speak of the devil... Shane sneaks into the room, his voice quiet and his footsteps barely audible as he crosses the room, placing a mug of tea on the bedside table.

"Thanks." I smile gratefully. "What time is it?" I can't be buggered checking the clock, even if it is only on the bedside table, right next to where my tea is.

"Just after twelve." He sits down on the edge of the bed, passing me over my tea, and dropping two painkillers into my palm. I grin - he knows what a guy wants! "Figured since everyone else is awake, I might as well wake you up."

"_Everyone_ else?" He nods. "Even Luke?!" Luke is impossible to wake up - in fact, it's hardly pushing it to say that he's a bit like a grumpy bear during hibernation...

"It took a lot of coffee, but he's awake. I had a nice idea, actually, I was wondering if you'd be up for it."

I cock an eyebrow, before taking the two painkillers with a gulp of hot tea. I yawn slightly, placing the mug back on the table, and flop back onto the bed. Shane decides to flop on top of me, arms crossed over my chest as he smiles sweetly. "What kind of idea?"

His green eyes glint with childish mischief as he speaks. "I thought we could go to the beach!"

"The beach?! Shane, that's ages away-"

"Don't be grumpy, Drew, it doesn't suit you." He pouts. "Come on, _please_? The others thought it was a great idea!"

"Well, I'm not the others. I'm sleepy." And besides, I don't like water...or swimming...or any kind of physical activity that doesn't involve thrashing up and down a stage wildly, wielding my possessed bass guitar; not that anybody knows that, not even Shane does.

"Drew...please? What happened to 'Timids unite'?" He shoots me the widest, saddest pair of puppy-dog-eyes I've ever seen, looking like a little lost puppy as he pleads silently with me. I resist the urge to smirk at his attempt; it hardly works for him. Everyone knows _I'm_ the cute Timid! Nonetheless, he continues to pout at me, until I eventually sigh.

"Fine. Let me get ready then-"

"Yay!" He grins, pushing up off me and jumping to his feet, rushing out of the room. I take this opportunity to get up out of bed and cross the room, raiding through my clothes drawers and searching for clean clothes. I eventually just end up nicking one of Shane's Enter Shikari t-shirts and dragging out my old pair of red skinny jeans, as well as the dreaded pair of swimming trunks from the very back of my drawer, before proceeding to get dressed. Just as I'm changing my t-shirt, I hear the door swing open, and Kier pokes his head around the door.

"Since when were you an Enter Shikari fan?" He asks me curiously. "And when did you buy their merch?"

"Since I nicked this t-shirt from Barrone. I'm smart enough to take advantage of my Timid's merch problems." It seems that Shane likes buying band merchandise just a little too much, when he gets money he buys as much merchandise as he possibly can. Maybe that's how he came to own so many Iron Maiden t-shirts? Because, really, no sane person owns enough of one band's merch to wear a different t-shirt of theirs every day for a full tour...

"Ah, good thinking!" He grins. "I think he's rushing us all out of the door like...right now, to be honest. Everyone else is all ready, so we're just waiting for you." He leaves the room before I can say anything else, and my face falls flat. It's like he knew I was going to say yes...dammit, am I that predictable? That much of a bloody pushover?! He thinks I'll say yes to anything if he pulls that puppy-dog face?! Well, I'll show him!

I quickly leave the room, practically hopping through the hall and into the front room as I hassle with my trainers. Bloody things just won't slip on right at all!

"Need a hand, Woolsifer?" Laurence smirks. I glance across the room to see him smirking at my struggles, and I stick my tongue out at him.

"Laugh all you want! Soon, this will be the safest and quickest way to put on a shoe. Everyone will be doing it, just you wait, Bevers!"

"I'll believe that when Timids fly." He laughs. I open my mouth to say something, but instead feel someone pick me up, and I cry out loudly in protest, before realising that it's just Shane, grinning like the Cheshire cat as he holds me in a bridal lift.

"Fix my shoe, Pilnahn!" I kick out my foot in Luke's direction, my trainer hanging precariously, and the bearded man sighs, pushing up out of his seat and fixing my trainers onto my feet for me. "Much obliged, sir!"

I see Kier picking up a bag, waving it proudly. "I made food."

"Are there any brownies?" I ask; dammit, I love chocolate brownies. Right enough, didn't Laurence banish everyone from bringing them within 200 metres of me, after the last brownie incident? An occurrence of such a brutally hyperactive nature that it's possibly best left to the imagination, of course.

"_No!_" Laurence, Luke and Kier reply in unison, quickly and firmly. To be honest, I don't blame them for not letting me have brownies...doesn't mean they're not greedy buggers for keeping them all to themselves, though-

"Come on, Wooly!" Shane grins, plopping me down onto the ground and positioning himself to give me a piggy-back. "To the Timidmobile!"

I grin, jumping up on his back and kicking his side with my left foot, pointing out in the direction of the front door. "Mush, Timid, mush! Godspeed!" And at that, we all head down to the van for what I'm hoping will just be a carefree day at the beach.

* * *

"Right. Out!" Luke commands. We all do as he says, practically diving out of the van as soon as he slows it to a stop on the hill. Laurence and Kier practically sprint out towards the beach, down the steps and onto the sand, giggling like schoolgirls. Luke rolls his eyes, walking out after them with the bag of food, not looking too bothered about anything, really. Shane and I decide, as always, to do the eccentric, and I take his hand in mine, skipping quickly with him down the steps and onto the beach, singing as we move.

"Oh, I do like to be beside the seaside...oh, I do like to be beside the sea...!" We screech; Luke shoots us a look that a proud mother would give her troublesome son, whereas Laurence and Kier are taking no notice, already yanking off their jeans to reveal their swimming trunks underneath. Luke does likewise, although perhaps not so enthusiastically, and then, as though their lives depend on it, the three all sprint down the beach screaming and yelling like five-year-olds, before colliding with the water and screaming about the temperature.

"It's fuckin' freezing! Could've warned me!" Luke yelps, wading through the water until it's deep enough to swim in.

"You went in first, you prat!" Kier yells, jumping up on Laurence's back and relying on the panda-esque man to piggyback him out into the freezing-cold water.

"Makes no difference!" The three bicker between themselves, and I glance towards Shane, smirking.

"Fancy going in the water, then?" He asks me expectantly. I really don't want to - I can't stand swimming, to be honest, for many obvious reasons which I'm not going to mention just now - but I can tell from the look on his face that he really wants to go in the water, but knowing him he won't leave me here by myself if I don't want to go in the sea. So...

"Sure." I unfasten my jeans, pulling them down to show my own black swimming trunks, and then follow along reluctantly behind Shane as we near the water. _Wait a second...I could have said no to him. But I didn't. Dammit, no wonder he thinks I won't deny him anything! Because I never bloody do!_

"You alright?" Shane asks me, looking over his shoulder as we get ever-closer to the water.

"Y-yeah, I just..." I gulp as I look out at the sea: vast, blue, never-ending...treacherous...engulfing...

"You don't want to go in the water, do you?" He guesses. I laugh nervously.

"No, I _want_ to." I lie. "Just...I can't...can't..."

"Can't _what_?" He asks, clearly curious.

"Icantswim." I blurt out, fast enough that he strains to hear what I've said.

"You...can't swim?" He raises his eyebrows at that, looking ever-so-slightly shocked. "Well, why didn't you say so? I'll teach you!"

_What?!_ No! I don't want to go in the water, I can't go in the water, I'll drown if I go in the water- "Okay then." _What?! _No! Bad Woolsifer, bad! Learn to say no to the bad Timid! He's overpowering you, he's being mean, he's making you go in the water! What are you doing, letting him grab your hand and drag you down to the water?! Why are you letting him drag you closer to your inevitable doom?! Are you insane?! Do you have a death wish?!

And then, I step into the sea. The water is ice-cold, almost, even though the sun is in the sky and the air is warm, almost too warm. Shane smiles reassuringly at me, before goading me to step further into the ocean - and I do, wordlessly and with only a small squeak. The sand beneath my bare feet feels loose, like it's just going to give way to some big bad sea monster that's going to swallow me up the minute I get far enough out in the water.

"I can't do this, Shane." I blurt out.

"The water's barely at your knees, Drew! Come on, just keep going. I've got you."

"I..." Can't he at least hold onto me, to make sure I don't fall into the water and drown?

"Want me to hold you?" It's like he can read my blardy mind... I nod quickly, and he steps closer to me, before moving around me and standing behind me, hands on my hips as he steers me out carefully into deeper water. "Easy does it, Wooly, just take your time. Just..." The water gets past my thighs, and I hold my breath, panic rising up in my chest. A pathetic whimper escapes my lips as the water passes my hips, but still Shane continues to walk me out into the ocean. To my left, I can see Kier sitting on Laurence's shoulders, singing his heart out as Luke tries to splash him with water, whilst Laurence dances around in the water and tries to stay upright. To my right, in the distance, I can see little kids playing nearer the beach, with buckets and spades and floats. In front of me, there's nothing but ocean, and I gulp at very thought of how much water is out there, just waiting for me to drown in it.

"We'll stop here." Shane says quietly in my ear. It takes me a moment to realise that the water is up to my shoulders, and then the panic really begins to set in.

"Shane, we need to go back! It's too high, it's-"

"Calm down!" He turns me steadily, until I'm facing him, and I whimper slightly; I don't want to drown out here, what if I fall over and he can't catch me in time, and then I just drown? What'll happen then? I'll die out here if I don't go back to the beach! Dammit, we're even further out than Kier, Laurence and Luke, and they can bloody swim! "Now, do exactly as I say. I want you to put your arms around my neck, and try to raise up your legs-"

"_ARE YOU_ _NUTS?!_"

"Raise up your legs until you can freely kick them. Okay?" He finishes. I bite my lip, but nonetheless do as he says, winding my arms tight around his neck and trying to raise my legs up. I don't get them up very far before I have to raise my chin right up, and I continue to look right into Shane's eyes as fear pounds through me.

"I can't do it." I lower my legs again, my arms tightening around his neck as I try to regain my balance. "I can't swim, Shane-"

"Not yet, you can't. But you will. Just try again. And trust me, nothing will happen to you. Even if something were to, I'm here, and I won't let anything happen to you. Got that? Try again."

I smile nervously, and then try again. _Shane's here, Shane's got me, he can help me, he's right, I can do this..._ And then my legs raise up, but still my arms tighten around his neck, and I keep my head against his shoulder.

"Good! Now, try kicking." I kick my legs, and water splashes everywhere, loudly and childishly; he laughs, and as I look up at him I see that his hair is now soaking wet. "Maybe not so vigorously, eh Wooly? No, not quite out of the water. Just kick, maybe letting your feet out of the water a tiny bit...that's it!" I do exactly as he instructs, quickly picking up my pace. "Now, I need you to trust me here. I'm going to hold onto you under your stomach, and I'll support you, so that you can try moving your arms and legs at the same time."

_What?! No! No, no, no, no, no! I can't do that! There's no way!_

But, as I'm protesting, Shane has already hoisted me up by my stomach, and is holding me tight enough to allow me to kick my legs and move my arms at the same time. I put the fear out of my head as I begin to move my arms around, kicking my legs at the same time, and Shane grins as I continue to do that. Then, slowly, he begins to move me forward in the water, closer to the beach again. I grin sheepishly, continuing my stroke, and then-

"Drew, you're swimming!" Shane claps. I gasp, realising that he's not holding onto my stomach any more, and just continue to move my arms and legs in the water. "That's great!"

I look over my shoulder at him. "Shane, I-" And then, just like that, I sink like a brick.

"Drew!" I hear him crash into the water after me, and everything around me sounds funny and goes a weird blue colour. Almost like I'm underwater... _Shit._

I feel arms grab me quickly, pulling me up, and then I'm in Shane's arms. My breathing is heavy and erratic, my eyes stinging from the salt water that got in my eyes. My hair is soaking wet now, and my heart is beating a tattoo in my chest.

"No more swimming lessons, Shane." I whimper.

"No more swimming lessons." He agrees with a stiff nod, before walking me back to the beach in a bridal lift. As he steps onto the sand, I notice that some people on the beach are giving us weird looks, but I ignore them as he carries me up to where we left our stuff.

"Uhm, Shane, you can put me down now."

"I know- _Shit!"_ He trips up, and I yelp as he drops me onto the sand, before falling on top of me. I land flat on my back on the soft sand, and Shane lands on my chest with a thud that winds me for a moment. "Sorry...stupid bucket..."

"You just swore!" I giggle, like we're both little kids again. Shane _never_ swears! It's so bizarre, hearing something like a swear-word slip out of a mouth as trained and proper as my Timid's!

"Oh. So I did...sorry." He smiles awkwardly and apologetically for a moment, and then I thwack him on the side of his head, laughing at his mock-hurt reaction. "You're abusing me!"

"You swore! Naughty Timid!" I laugh. He moves to stand up, but I just tackle him, and he in turn digs his fingers into my hips as he uses my weakness against me - he tickles me. I laugh, freaking out the same way I always do when someone tickles me, and we both roll around in the sand for a while, caked in sand because our skin was still wet from being in the sea. "Profane little bastard!"

"Hypocrite!"

I roll onto my back on the sand again, laughing breathlessly, and Shane flops on top of me, still laughing with me. "I call time-out. I'm tired."

"Me too." He laughs. I meet his cat-like green gaze for a moment, and then his smile disappears - in fact, as though by magic, all emotion disappears from his face; all that's left is an odd curiosity in his eyes. I cock an eyebrow.

"Uhm...Shane...you can get off me now, right? No low-flying planes or birds that'll collide with your head if you sit up?"

He doesn't react, doesn't say anything. Instead, he rests a hand against my flushed cheek, smiling ever-so-slightly.

"Shane?"

"Drew, can I ask you a serious question?" He whispers, so quietly that I strain to hear him. I nod. "What does it mean if I don't want to get up off you?"

I gulp. _What is he trying to say?_ "I...I don't know. It depends-"

"Oi, guys!" I hear Luke yell from the water. "When you're done getting off up there on the sand, Keveridge are at it again!"

Shane rolls off me rather reluctantly and sluggishly, and I stand up without hesitation, not wanting to lie on that sand with him any longer. I look down to the water to see that Luke is in the middle of the water by himself now, splashing away like a two-year-old in a bathtub, and that over at the side of the water, Kier and Laurence are sat on the rocks, Kier curled up on Laurence's lap; either Kier is fast asleep, and Laurence's head is bowed in such a way that it _looks_ suggestive...or the pair are sucking each other's faces off...

Well, ain't that just a sight for sore eyes, eh?


	3. Chapter 3

The rest of the day, I'll admit, is rather...well, awkward, I guess. Between Kier and Laurence protesting against everyone's accusations - apparently Kier was just asleep, and Laurence was talking to him to wake him up, which none of us believe in the slightest - and that looming question that Shane asked me about not wanting to get off me...well, things are really awkward in our flat. We didn't spend much longer at the beach (well, not Shane or I anyway, we both left, and waited in the van, though of course we didn't really speak much), and when we got back to the flat Luke offered to run out and get Mexican for us all.

And so, minus the giant grizzly that would usually keep havoc from breaking out in the flat, the four of us have been left to soft ourselves out until Luke returns with our much-desired food. Kier and Laurence are still bickering between themselves about our accusations about them at the beach whilst they wash dishes for the food, and Shane is wordlessly tuning his Stratocaster, sat in the corner by himself. I frown down at the floor, not knowing what to say about today - did that mean anything at all, or am I reading too much into it? Is it anything like how I'm thinking it is? Or is my mind just playing cruel tricks on me?

Well, there's only one way to find out for sure: I need to ask Shane myself, and before anyone else comes into the room to interrupt us.

I take a deep breath, man up, and push to my feet, crossing the room and standing before Shane. He stops plucking away at the steel strings, glancing up at me without a word, his green eyes wide and expectant.

"Shane, I need to ask you a serious question this time." He nods. "When you said you didn't want to get off me...what did you mean? Was it anything like...?"

He shrugs. "That's why I asked you. I figured, you know about these kinds of things, because you've been out with someone, you've had feelings for someone." _Had feelings...shit...shit..._ "So I thought you might have known. Obviously not."

"_Feelings_?" I squeak. I think I'm about to be sick.

"I don't know. I'm thinking about it from all angles here, I...I'm confusing myself...I don't know..." He pushes to his feet, sighing deeply. "I need to go out for a little while, I need to think and talk some stuff out."

"With yourself?" I cock an eyebrow. He puts his guitar back in its stand, shaking his head.

"No. I was hoping that, if it wouldn't be too awkward for you, we could both go out for a walk, just so there's not anyone listening in." Just like that, Laurence and Kier's conversation seems to get so much louder. Those bastards have listened in!

"I...I...okay..." I nod, and he steps out into the hall, poking his head into the kitchen for a moment.

"Drew and I are off for a walk. We'll be back soon, right?" Shane informs Laurence and Kier. The pair just nod, and then resume their squabbling; Shane and I take this as a sign to just leave, and so we do. We don't say a word, not until we've gotten out the front door, down the stairs and out onto the street. The sun is just lowering in the sky, and there are people still out walking around - after all, it's only 6pm, and it's the middle of summer - so at the very least there's some noise around us to break the horribly tenuous silence between us.

_It's never been like this between us before...we always have something to talk about, and if we don't feel like talking then we joke about, give piggybacks, hold hands, something stupid like that...is that going to be too awkward now? What would it be like if something actually had happened, how awkward would it become then?_

"I need to figure some stuff out." Shane tells me quietly, when we've walked over to the little metal climbing frame in the middle of the street's roundabout. I remember Laurence demanding that Kier take pictures of him on this thing, when he was not long out of bed, still in his flip-flops and pyjamas. Shane and I used to climb about on this tiny thing when we first moved into the flat; now, I guess things are going to be different.

"I see."

"No, you don't. You see, I...I'm feeling things. Things I shouldn't be feeling, and these things I'm feeling are for people I shouldn't feel for in this way. But...well, I can't help it." He climbs up onto the little metal frame, sitting on the top with his legs dangling down, and I stay standing on the ground, looking up at him.

"Oh. Are these thing you're feeling for...?" I can't finish it; the very thought creeps me out, makes me feel sick. Not the thought of a guy liking me, I could easily shake that off and it wouldn't bother me. But my best friend, someone who's like a brother to me, liking me in that way? I just can't deal with that.

"I don't know. I don't know what I'm feeling, that's the thing. I don't know what it is, or why I'm feeling it. And until I know...well, I'm just going to feel awkward. Really awkward."

"So...maybe you're curious?" I suggest.

"I don't even know, Drew. If I had even the slightest idea, do you think I'd be worrying about it?" I don't say anything, and after a second he continues speaking. "Earlier on, when we were at the beach, everything felt normal. We were just kidding around, rolling about and acting like little kids, like we usually do. And then suddenly this...this weird feeling in my stomach, it just comes out of nowhere. I don't know what it was, but I didn't like it. Like butterflies, but not butterflies...if that makes sense." I shrug slightly. "And then it got...well, more intense, I guess. You were lying in the sand, and I looked at you, and...I don't know, I felt something. I don't know what I felt."

"I don't have a clue...about any of this..." I whisper, staring down at the ground now. I don't think I can look Shane straight in the eye, not after what he just admitted. He felt something when he looked at me? But what did he feel, that's the question...

"I don't expect you to. It's all brand new to me, too. I don't...I don't know..." He drops down from the climbing frame, standing in front of me; I refuse to look up and meet his gaze. Instead, he puts a hand under my chin, tilting up my head to meet my gaze. "I don't know what did it. I just...I just looked at you, and...well, that was it, it was there... Can I try something?"

_Now's your chance to finally deny him something, Drew. Say no to him, for once. You've never been able to say no, not when those puppy-dog-eyes are there...but now he's not pulling that stunt, you can easily say no!_

"That depends what you want to try." I reply warily. _You were meant to say no! Not get curious and jeopardise your heterosexuality!_

"I just...can I hold your hand?" He asks quietly.

"We normally hold hands," I frown, "so why would you need to ask?"

"Because things are different now." He frowns, looking pretty damn solemn about it. "Things are awkward now. And things will just...well, they'll just change. Whether I want them to or not."

I take a deep breath, reaching out and taking his hand in mine. It doesn't feel any different from normal, in fact it just feels the same as it always does. It doesn't feel wrong, but it doesn't feel special either. "Feel anything?" He shakes his head. "Right enough, we usually hold hands..."

I feel his hand against my cheek again, his hardened, calloused fingertips brushing against my skin gently and making my skin flush slightly pink. He looks straight into my eyes, looking confused and curious. "I don't...I don't know what triggered it, but..."

I sigh, and then reach up with my other hand reluctantly, pushing his mop of a fringe out of his eyes. "This might help, dumbarse."

"I...guess?" He looks straight into my eyes, and then closes his own, sighing deeply and bowing his head. "There's something I want to try, but I don't want to at the same time...I know it's wrong, so I don't want to...but a part of me is telling me to..."

"What is it?"

"I can't do it." He mumbles. "I can't."

"Shane? I-"

And then, before I even get the chance to finish my sentence, his lips crush against mine. I blink in surprise, my eyes wide and and staring, my hand still in his, my other hand just dangling by my side. I feel his hand trail down from my cheek and rest against my hip, and that's when I decide to jump away from him. He looks hurt as he sees that I've rejected him...but I can't help it. This is my best mate, here. He's not...he's not a girl, either! I'm not into guys, and _certainly_ not into my mates!

"Drew, I-"

"I'm sorry, Shane, I can't do this." I rush past him before he can say anything else, back across the street, and slam against the building's door, bursting the lock in trying to rush up the stairs and back into the flat. I rush up the two flights of stairs, my breathing erratic, and then burst into the flat, not caring that I've left the front door wide open as I burst into the bathroom and lock the door behind me. Dropping down to my knees on the floor, I try to control my breathing, but no matter how hard I try it doesn't slow. I hear the front door closing, and then that dreaded voice sounds out in the hall.

"Drew? Drew, where are you? We need to talk."

_No, what we need to do is stay the fuck away from each other - or rather, you stay the fuck away from me! You don't go around kissing your mates, that's just sick! Who even does that?! I'm straight, so what the hell is he playing at?_

I scoot further away from the door, resting my back against the side of the bathtub, and hug myself as I pull my knees up against my chest.

"Drew?" I can hear doors opening and closing, and can hear Laurence, Kier and Shane speaking just in front of the bathroom door, near the kitchen.

"Dunno where he went. Thought he was with you?" Kier asks.

"No. Something...something happened. He came back inside." Shane explains vaguely.

"He's in the bathroom." Laurence says absently. I grit my teeth, before hearing someone knock on the bathroom door.

"Drew, can you open the door, please? I need to speak to you." Shane says through the door.

"Fuck off!" I snap.

"Listen, Drew, I'm sorry, okay? I really am. I didn't mean to-"

"No, you just fell forward and kissed me, didn't you!" I snap sarcastically. "You know fine well I'm straight, so why the hell did you do that?!"

"I don't know." He mumbles. I can barely hear him. "I don't know why I did it, okay? I just felt like I needed to. And it helped me figure things out-"

"Oh, well as long as you're feeling enlightened, then everything's all tickety-fuckity-boo, ain't it?!" I push to my feet, pulling a hand through me hair and groaning. My lips are still throbbing from the force of that kiss, I can still taste him on my lips. Does that mean anything?

Oh, god, wait, no! No, I am _not_ being dragged into this bullshit! No! Shane is my best mate, and no amount of kisses from him would ever make me think about...about liking him! That's just...that's just weird, liking your best mate!

"You know what? Fine." He whispers. "Be like that. I want to make you see I'm sorry, I did it without thinking. But if you want to be like that about it, then feel free to." And just like that, I feel something push me to my feet. That same something forces me across the bathroom, and in turn to unlock and yank open the bathroom door.

"Shane, wait." I say quickly. I see Shane stop in the doorway to the front room, but he doesn't look over his shoulder; he just stands there, motionless, waiting to hear what I've got to say next. _Think wisely, Drew, think carefully. You've got one shot at this, don't screw it up. You could lose your best friend if you screw this up..._ "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have reacted like that."

"What the hell even happened?" Kier asks curiously, leaning against the kitchen door frame, a sly grin spreading across his face. "Ah... Ship ship shippetty ship..."

"Nothing happened." Shane and I say at the same time.

"Everything's fine." I add. "Just...something unexpected, is all."

"Drew is pregnant?!" Laurence pokes his head over Kier's shoulder, grinning. "That's why you were in the bathroom!"

"Shut it, you two were getting it on on a rock." I snap. The pair grumble and whine between themselves as they go back into the kitchen, closing the door behind them for good measure.

"Drew, you don't need to be sorry." Shane still doesn't look at me, his back still to me.

"Yes, I do! Because I freaked out, I should be sorry!" I take the three steps between Shane and I, closing the space between us and resting a hand against his shoulder. "Shane. Can we just forget this happened, and just go back to the way we were before today?"

He shrugs slightly. "I can't promise anything. But okay." He turns, and I see the reason he refused to look at me, the reason he refused to turn around: the tears glistening in his green eyes. I open my eyes, and he steps into my arms for a hug; a small, sad smile spreads across my face, because it's my fault my friend is feeling like this.

But we can just put this behind us, right? Or is it selfish of me to believe that we can just do that?


	4. Chapter 4

Everyone has decided to call it an early night - after the mayhem of hangovers and spending a day in the sun - and so the lot of us have settled down in the bedroom, spread out around the room as usual as we try to get to sleep. _Try_, of course, is the key-word here, seeing as Luke ate a little too much chilli...and he's done nothing but fart for the past half hour or so. Laurence and Kier are sprawled out on the bed as they are every night (well, every night that they decide the bed is a nicer place to sleep than on the floor or in an armchair), and Luke is lying on his resident mattress on the floor, below the window. Shane and I...well, we're just nestled in a bundle of sheets and pillows at the bottom of the double bed, as always. Usually we would lie together and cuddle, so that we're not both hanging off either end of the bed...but, maybe for tonight, it's best if things aren't like that. I don't want anything to be more awkward than it needs to be.

I look to the side and smile reassuringly at Shane, and he smiles back anxiously - I can tell that things are still awkward for him though, even though we've agreed to pretend that kiss never happened...as well as the rest of it.

"Jesus, Luke, seriously! Put a plug in it!"

"_I am not sticking a plug in my backside!_" Luke gapes.

"No! Not like that! No!" Laurence groans.

"You can borrow some of Laurence's, right?" Kier smirks, and Laurence freaks out at the thought.

"I don't own any! None! Not one!"

"You've got to be kidding me..." I wrinkle my nose up at the smell, and bury my face in the sheets beneath me, grimacing. "Seriously, Luke, why chilli?!"

"It tastes nice." He frowns.

"Not when it comes out the other end, it doesn't." Kier laughs darkly, before holding a pillow over his face.

"I can't handle this smell..." Shane groans.

"Me neither..." I whine. "Timid, I think we should evacuate the premises. Like, now." And so, regardless of the awkwardness between us both, we dive off the bed, out of the room, and into the front room, dragging sheets and pillows in our wake.

"Seriously...smelly..." Shane groans. "How can Keveridge even handle that smell?"

"No comment." I chuckle, before flopping down on the sofa. Shane groans.

"Eugh, Drew..." He grimaces in mock-disgust, and then flops down on the other end of the sofa. "Now we have to sleep in here?"

"Yeps." I sigh, pulling the sheets around me and getting comfortable - or as comfortable as it's possible for someone to get on a leather sofa, and with a lanky bugger on the other end of the sofa taking up half the space. "How are we meant to get comfy on this damned thing?"

"Uhm..." Cuddles are out of the question for now, so there's really no alternative. Unless... "Do we cuddle?" I ask anxiously. Shane bites his lip, looking a little awkward, and then shrugs.

"I..I guess...?" We both shuffle closer to each other, and I can see that Shane looks as awkward as I feel as we sit side-by-side. I glance up at him, and he smiles nervously, before wrapping his arms around me and pulling me close. My head rests against his chest, and I sigh contentedly, before wriggling onto his lap, smiling slightly.

"Things are going to be a lot different from now on, right?" I sigh. He just nods. "I don't want things to be different."

"It's selfish that I do." He frowns, holding me close and resting his head on top of mine and playing with my hair aimlessly.

"It's...it's not selfish. Just...just awkward, I guess." I look up at him, and he shrugs.

"I don't know." He sighs. "Then again, I don't seem to know much. I mean, I didn't even consider that kissing you would upset you like that."

"It's okay. Timids unite, eh? It's all fine now." I wrap my arms around his neck, wriggling in closer and feeling hi lie back against the arm of the sofa as I curl up on his lap.

"You seem to like sleeping in my lap." Shane chuckles.

"You're pretty damn comfy." I state simply. "And kinda...lumpy... Oh, god, eugh..." I wriggle away from him and up to the other end of the sofa, seeing his red-flushed face as he concentrates his gaze on the sofa cushion, looking really damn embarrassed and apologetic.

"Sorry. I can't help it."

"You've got a frackin' hard-"

"I know I do, stop pointing it out, would you!" He groans, hiding his scarlet-flushed face behind his floppy fringe.

"Seriously! One cuddle, and you fire out a monster of a-"

"I said quit it!" He buries his face in the sheets, and I smirk.

"Hey, as long as you're not sticking it anywhere near me then it's no big deal." I laugh. He looks up at me and scowls. "What?" _Oh, crap. Hit a sensitive spot there, didn't I..._

"Don't worry, I won't be." He mutters, pulling his own sheet over his legs and bundling it up, before turning and facing his back to me.

"Awwh, Barrone, don't be like that. I was only joking!" _Jeez, sensitive much?_ He doesn't answer me, and so I sigh, turning and facing my back to him, staring over at the empty armchair as I curl up on the sofa. After a short while, I feel a dipping weight behind me on the sofa, and I hear Shane shifting his position, before an arm winds around my waist and his head pops up on my shoulder.

"Sorry. Things are just a bit awkward for me just now. I'll try to make sure it doesn't happen again." He sighs. I look over my shoulder, and then jump slightly as I realise how close his face is to mine; our noses are practically touching. His green eyes are wide and staring, and he's smiling apologetically at me.

"Uhm...Shane, a bit too close for comfort, there."

"I... Sorry." He moves back from me slightly, and I turn my body so that I'm facing him.

"Right. This is obviously bugging you. So go on, tell me everything that's on your mind." I sigh.

"Everything? But it's all about-"

"I don't care. Just tell me everything that's bothering you about me, and this whole situation. Go on."

He groans, closing his eyes and sighing. "There's nothing bothering me."

"There clearly is-"

"Fine. I'll tell you, then. But you won't much like it." I gesture for him to go on. "When we kissed earlier-"

"When you kissed me, you mean." I correct.

"Yes. When I kissed you, and I expected to feel something...I didn't feel anything." There's a glint of something in his eyes, but I don't know what it might be, so I dismiss it. "I expected fireworks, I expected to feel something absolutely amazing, like everyone else says they get when they kiss someone they like. But, well...I guess I didn't feel anything." _Is he lying? I can't tell... Wait, who cares if he's lying? He didn't feel anything, we can let things go back to normal now! Right?_

I nod. "Okay then. Good. No confused, unreturned feelings, then. There's nothing there." He nods. "But...can I ask, how long?"

He cocks an eyebrow. "What do you mean, how long?"

"How long have you considered feeling that way? The way you've acted, it's hardly something you cottoned onto this afternoon, right?" He looks hesitant to answer me, and then it hits home. "A while, then?" He still says nothing. "A long while?" He looks down at the sofa cushion in what appears to be embarrassment. _Shit, how'd I not notice that before? Is he that good at hiding how he feels? Or am I just that insensitive?_

"A pretty long while. Didn't want to complicate things. I knew it'd end like this." He mumbles.

"No, it's fine, really. I'm bloody flattered, to be honest! And it's all fine, because you didn't feel anything!" I grin. He grins back, but I can see the cracks beginning to show; I'm starting to think that maybe he's lying. But even so, it's not really fair of me to say that, when he obviously wants me to think that he's fine with just staying friends. "Cuddles? As long as you promise not to pounce a mini-monster on me." He grins, and then opens up his arms, allowing me to worm my way back onto his lap and into his arms. He flops back onto the sofa, smiling, and then kisses the top of my head.

"'Night, Wooly."

"G'night, Barrone." I smile, resting my head against his chest and listening to his steady heartbeat.

"Love you." I hear him whisper - or maybe that's just my ears playing a trick on me? Who knows? It's these doubts that follow me into my dreams.


	5. Chapter 5

Everything is quiet when I open my eyes, and I can't help but wonder why our flat could ever be so quiet, even at night-time; isn't there usually the occasional snore coming from whichever room Luke's decided to crash in, or the odd giggle from Keveridge being utter idiots at 3am? I sit up, being careful not to wake Shane as he sleeps soundly and peacefully beneath me, and look around the room, not seeing anything out of the ordinary. Hm.

Just as I move to stand up, I feel a pair of arms wind around my waist, and I look down to see Shane is awake, eyes glinting mischievously in the dark room. "You're awake." I say simply, being sure to whisper so as to not make too much noise.

"Wow, I couldn't tell." He chuckles slightly. I smile, and then he sits up, his arms still around my waist as he does so. "Can't even begin to think why you would be awake at this time, though. You seemed exhausted. It's only 2am or something, I bet."

"Well, I don't know why I woke up. But something woke me up, anyway." I shrug. "No big deal-" I'm cut off as Shane plants a small kiss on my nose, and I cock an eyebrow. "Shane, what are you doing?"

"Kissing you." He plants another kiss on my lips, just a quick peck. For some weird reason, that part of me that freaked out about him kissing me before...it's remaining calm. Like this is something normal.

"Shane, you promised you wouldn't. You know it's just complic-" His lip press against mine again, sealing my words in a sweet kiss that for some weird reason has me practically melting on the spot. _What the fuck? Why am I not pulling away! Can't I just push him away, tell him to stop it?_

He pulls away after a while, a long enough while to leave me breathless. "Shane. Please. Just-" He tangles his right hand in my hair, tilting my head back to give him better access to my neck; then, after a short moment, his lips press against my neck, his teeth grazing the skin. "Shane, seriously..." I hold my breath, refusing to react to his advances. I don't feel anything for him, so...why am I feeling something now? Something in the pit of my stomach, like butterflies, but...not butterflies...if that makes sense...feelings I don't want. Because I don't want to feel _anything_ like that for my best friend. He's like a brother to me, so why would I feel some sort of physical attraction towards him? That's just sick!

"Drew." Shane mumbles against the skin at my neck, before meeting my lips with his own again. "I lied. I don't want to stay friends...I want to be more, is that too much to ask for?"

"Yes..." I groan. "Yes, it is..."

"But Drew," he sighs, "I love you."

* * *

Just like that, I jolt awake, my breathing erratic and my skin slicked with a thin film of sweat from head to toe. I sit up, pulling a hand through my hair and groaning wearily. What the hell kind of dream was that to have?! And about my best friend?! That's just sick!

I push up off of the sofa, my hands shaking, and when I begin walking that's when I feel it. That dream was...well, a _man's_ dream...

"Shit..." I rush through to the bedroom, trying to make as little noise as possible as I grab clean pyjama bottoms and clean underwear. After going through to the bathroom and dealing with..._my dilemma_...I slink back through to the front room, feeling awfully unclean as I drop down onto the sofa. _Great. Awkward dreams about my best friend. What's next, fantasies, too?! That really would be the end of the world for me!_

I sit on the sofa for a while longer, until it begins to get light outside; then, because I have nothing better to do, I decide to go through to the kitchen and make myself some tea. Quickly boiling the kettle and putting a teabag and some sugar into a mug, I decide to sit on the counter and watch everything happening out of the window; now would probably be a good time to think about stuff.

_Why did I have a dream like that? It's not like I'm attracted to Shane in any way, he's my best friend, he's like my twin! _I cradle my mug of coffee tightly in my hands, sitting on the windowsill and watching birds flitting around from their nests, foxes slinking back to their burrows, and other nocturnal creatures going off to sleep for another good few hours before nightfall signals time for them to awaken.

_Just like he doesn't know if he feels anything for me... I don't actually know if I feel anything for him, any more .. I mean, if I'm having dreams like that, who knows any more? I shouldn't be thinking like that at all about a friend, I know that much...but really, does it make any difference whether I do or not...?_

"Is it creepy that I kind of liked that dream?" I muse, staring out the window.

"Depends what kind of dream was it?" Shane asks; I jump slightly, spilling some tea on my leg in the process, and then whip my head around to see the sandy-haired man leaning back against the fridge. "The sound of the kettle woke me up."

"Oh. Uhm...it wasn't anything special-"

"Well, you liked it, so it must've been something special, right?" He uses his elbows to push himself forward and away from the refrigerator, leaning against the edge of the sink, next to where I'm sat.

"Not really. You'd just find it..." _Think of a word, think of a word, think of a word..._ "Odd." _Dammit, wrong word, he'll be intrigued now, silly bugger!_

"Really? Go on, tell me!" He grins. I shake my head.

"I'd rather not. It's private." I say quickly. He nods, smiling knowingly.

"Ah...private. I get you..." He glances towards the dirty washing hamper, smirking; I follow his gaze, and then feel my face drain of all colour as I see the dirty pyjama bottoms flopped on the top of the hamper. _Shit_. "I see... Don't want to share it with your Timid, eh? Fair enough-"

"I'm...sparing your feelings." I say without thinking. _That's true, I guess. If I told him what the dream was about, it'd only lead him on, and I don't want to do that._

"Oh. I see." He frowns; obviously he's gotten the wrong end of the stick. But that's good, I don't want him to catch on that the dream was about _him_, right? Or...or do I? _God, I'm just as confused as Shane is...great..._

"So, you had a wet-dream, you made yourself tea, which you never do unless you're staying awake for a long time - so you probably have something on your mind - and now you're even thinking about it aloud, and yet still it isn't interesting enough to talk to me about?" I nod. "Wow. I wonder what your definition of interesting is, then."

"You don't need to know." And I don't want to know; just thinking about that in the context of my dream...eugh, it doesn't bear thinking about.

"Oh, fine. Will you at least give me a hint of what it was about? I'm curious."

"It...it was a...a person..." I say carefully. "And...stuff happened..." I won't dare say anything else, I can't say anything else.

"That doesn't really satisfy my curiosity, y'know." He smiles. "A person. And stuff happened. Not much there, really."

"Uhm. Well...it was-"

"A girl, right?" He asks, crossing his arms on the edge of the sink and resting his head on top of his folded arms. I don't say anything. "Oh...a guy! Wow, I must say I didn't expect that at all! So, there was a guy...and he made you go like that...now, what guys might make you react like that...?" I flush pink, staring down at my tea in its mug. Suddenly, the amount of milk I put in seems awfully fascinating, as well as this chip here in the handle... "It depends what happened in the dream...let me guess, something really disgustingly explicit and-"

"No! There was a kiss! That's all there was!" I protest. Then, after blurting that out, my mind suddenly registers what I've said. _Shit._

Shane looks suddenly smug as he thinks about it, and then chuckles, turning and sauntering off.

"Oi, where're you going?" I ask; he glances over his shoulder and smirks.

"I'm off to go to sleep. Do wake me if you have any more wet dreams about me, eh?"

"What makes it think it was about you?! Or even a guy, for that matter?! I'm not gay!" I call through.

"There's such a thing as bi!" And then the kitchen door is yanked shut, leaving me in the room by myself, just gaping at the door in horror and shock. _How did he figure that out in two seconds... And did he say I'm bi?! What the hell?!_

At that, I'm left to my own horrific thoughts and - as I dreaded not twenty minutes ago - fantasies...


End file.
